Ok. So that was a big fake out which nobody responded to. But since I am so insignificant, I will now openly talk about how I’m not actually engaged and yet leave the information up. I’m half expecting someone to mention it to me in a month, long after my denouncement. Because that’s how it goes.

Powerless, powerless. Interesting assortment of people are moving in and out of my life now. Like tourists on an escalator. A motorized walkway. I’m kind of indifferent. I sense opportunities. I do not take them. But must my actions seriously be questioned? It seems no matter what I do, it rains controversy. I suppose I should confine my life to a tube and get some peace.

I haven’t been much able to get fired up like I used to. Maybe I’m burnt out. I’m underweight. Chronically it seems. My mom’s right. I feel good. I eat a lot. Food, it’s got no staying power. It’s something like 20-30 lbs. And falling, as evidenced by my visit to the kidney clinic.

I have to move again. I need options. I need a place to stay and really get things together. Three months, I can do it in three months, I promise. Three months and I’m gone. I don’t want to be around in three months, you know? I want this just as badly as all you people do.

Is everything always a fight?

Life lesson: Absolutely nothing comes easy.