C’mon.
August 31, 2007, 2:55 am
Filed under: Garble

Hey kids, let’s ooze into the forest floor.

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Not my own.
August 31, 2007, 2:53 am
Filed under: Poem Goo

I sleep in a bed that’s not my own
It’s not yours. It’s no-ones.
I selfishly hog the covers, my white knuckled grip upon them.
Crushing me.
I don’t feel the pain. I feel a void.
Recovery is superhuman. Life denying expectations.
They recently found a hole in the universe, you know. A big one. Billions of miles across.
That is where we are together.
In the singularity, it’s a mish-mash of alternate realities.
Planets collide and immerse us in primordial ooze.
Living in a dream is a lot of work. Maybe I should ask for a raise.



Profound moment #57
August 31, 2007, 2:45 am
Filed under: Poem Goo

The ocean’s deep.
Space is big.
You’ll realize this when you’re out walking and collapse to the ground.
And weep just like me.



Dogs of L.A.
August 31, 2007, 1:43 am
Filed under: Garble

Apparently serious vegetarians are all supposed to fast between the hours of 2pm and 5pm says every freaking vegan restaurant in the known area.

Today was an interesting and on some levels deeply disturbing day. I’m not phased, as I get older these are more and more often the kind of days I can rely on. Accidentally watched a very well directed, edited, dare I say “crafted” yet absolutely terrible Rob Zombie movie. Ventured to have lunch with an incredibly attractive young lady. Mexican mini-mall for no reason other than, “They had sweet deals on boots.” Somewhat surreal, not at all contrived, but again – not phased. What’s the deal?

Where was God in all this, I wonder? There, wondering why I wasted my time, spiritually speaking. Quote of the day, “I don’t NOT love Jesus.” Sigh. Bludgeon me, even Chris’ got a girlfriend. And I don’t mean George.

It’s all about having a car, isn’t it? Financing here I come.

Anybody who talks trash about HSA plans can take it outside with me.



Thanks, Liz.
August 31, 2007, 1:15 am
Filed under: TV Ooze

I love you. This made my day.



Ape lamp.
August 25, 2007, 11:00 am
Filed under: Make Out Party

I am just so exxcited about Nolan.

The greatest love is made from a patchwork of small loves. Quilts of goodness. You are descending dressed in purity. So beautiful. So stark. The voice from the mountaintop has silenced. The wind is in your hair. Bells are ringing.

Your hands sweep across the countryside; cumulus. They are mighty drifting shadows. They are cooling the hot and tired earth below. Its cracks and jagged edges are healing. Legs are straightening. The little boy can walk again. The blind man can see. I am hiding in the corner of the balcony that oversees the city. The lights are coming on. Nighttime is upon us! We open our umbrellas simultaneously as a flood of tears streams down from your face above. Your water gives life. Mighty oaks will spring up in the morning light.

Stay awhile. Let me caress your face. It’s not so terrible, is it? To be loved in a different way? It’s the same way blood flows through your veins. It longs to move you. To experience what chains you to humanity. One life is a quick synapse traveling across the universal mind. The blood longs to shake you. Hypnotic pulsing vibrations shoot out my hands, reverberating throughout the dense air. The hush of the room settles as a muted bump in the night. Fetal curlings beneath the oak. Small ones, in symbiotic love.

We are occasionally cast in the desert – into the fire. We slip on the blood, it covers everything. We plead and struggle. It is the only way. A mystery lies asleep beside me in the future. Her eyes gaze into my past. Her heart lights my darkest nights.

God will not allow us to die inside. He has too much life to give.



Numbsaw.
August 24, 2007, 2:22 am
Filed under: Garble

God is great, God is good. I wonder where I’m making my mistakes. I know some of them, but I don’t know what I need to change to get things right. Am I being punished? I hate this animosity. I don’t need this stress. I need harmony and stability. I need comfort and joy. I don’t really care about my circumstances, I just want peace and contentment. Why can’t friendship, caring, and love abound? Will someone join me.

My blogs are probably boring. Lonely rants from the isolated victim. I should be hopeful and resourceful. I just keep feeling like the walls are closing in around me. I have to constantly remind myself that nothing is fucked and it isn’t that bad. And it’s true. People are much worse off than me. I am not the center of the universe, I definitely know that. Is the key to happiness completely letting go of all your desires and dreams? Logically it seems that way; if one gives up all hope, they have nothing else to hope for, therefore they are just by immediately existing fulfilled. I praise God that I exist, but I am driven by my humanity (maybe, or something deeper?) to want more from my existence. To value companionship, love, and a positive life slope. I want to be making tracks, not treading water.

Maybe my problem is my faith. Or my lack thereof. We must have the faith that God can somehow give us peace, happiness, contentment but still leave us able to hope and strive for more at the same time. The two seem mutually exclusive, but maybe that only serves to show the limitations to the realms of my thinking. God can accomplish the impossible, even in me.

I wonder about my kidney operation coming up. I wonder about Matt in the military. How alone and isolated he must feel. How hard he worked, only to resign himself to beginning again in a new, alien place. A huge, cold, nondescript bureaucracy. Does he feel as alone as I do? And I have so much perceived freedom. Maybe I’m chained by my own thoughts and vices. Maybe it’s bitterness where there should be love.

You must learn to love people. It is the only thing truly important.

How can I contain myself? How can I keep from lashing back? Bullheadedness, misunderstanding and apathy are constant sources of pain for me, but how to fight back in love? How to love regardless? I marvel at Christ. I want to be like Him.

I don’t want to do this alone. God send me a suitable companion. Please.